


When He Falls Apart

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drug Use, M/M, Simoncentric, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3151346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon isn't there in time to take the bullet for Kieren. He mourns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When He Falls Apart

Simon is too late. 

He can feel it as he runs, the way his legs can’t carry him fast enough and Kieren struggles against the drug running through his veins. 

The gunshot sounds.

Jem screams.

Simon and Kieren hit the ground together.

He doesn’t want to look, but he has to. 

Kieren’s eyes are wide, focused on something in the distant sky. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t take shuddering breaths beneath Simon. 

There’s a hole in Kieren’s head, and Simon is too late. 

\----

Two funerals in two days, and Simon hates it. 

Nobody shows up to Kieren’s funeral save his family, as they’re all under the impression that he did it on purpose. 

“Took the Blue Oblivion to cause a rouse,” he hears a Roarton native say one afternoon when he’s trying not to hear anything at all. 

He tries desperately to clear Kieren’s name, but nothing works. Gary Kendal vouches against him, and that’s enough to convince most everyone of Kieren Walker’s guilt. 

Kieren is gone, Amy is gone, and Simon wishes he hadn’t been too late. 

\----

He distances himself from the ULA. Nobody comes to kill him, as he expected. People stop sleeping at the bungalow, and eventually stop coming altogether. 

He’s officially alone, and he detests the quiet. 

\----

Simon sees an informational ad about the warming up on TV, and falls apart completely. 

He imagines Kieren’s face, alight with the idea of a second chance. He imagines the way Kieren would smile, the way he would forget himself for a moment and grasp at Simon’s hand tightly with hopes of a new beginning.

He never did get to hold Kieren’s hand. 

\----

His hands start to shake.

Slowly, Simon starts to hate himself. 

\----

He’s visiting Kieren’s grave when it happens. 

Something starts moving in his chest, a rhythmic tremor thrumming in his ribcage and burning under his skin. 

His heartbeat. 

He stumbles back and falls to his knees, grasping at his chest and wishing it would stop. 

He looks up at Kieren’s tombstone, at the one thing that would be able to maintain his memory forever. Simons used to be able to do that. 

Simon wishes his heart would stop again. 

\----

His eyes change. 

They’re brown again, the way they always were. Unlike his contacts, however, his eyes look real. Mortal. His skin looks real. 

_Is_ real, he has to remind himself over and over again.

 _I am a recovered PDS sufferer. My illness is behind me. I am a human being._

Simon hates the doctors. All of them. 

\----

It’s easy for Simon to fall back into old habits. 

The high is nice, and it makes Simon forget Kieren for a minute. 

\----

He’s taken too much of it this time, but he doesn’t care. 

He only slides onto the ground and lets the darkness consume him again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Any Comments/Kudos/Criticisms you have are welcome! Thanks!


End file.
